Moving on After a Break up

kristine 3 years ago

this help me a lot.. am deeply hurt right now. my partner left me for unreasonable reason..

beautywiz 3 years ago

BEST THING I DD WAS READ THIS!! AFTER MY BOYFRIEND BREAK-UP WITH ME:(

crystal 3 years ago

can you send me some msgs

Jes 3 years ago

This is very tough for me. I'll try those recommendations. She broke up with me after 12 years married. We married when we were 20. All I've done is cry and lose 35 pounds over 8 weeks. We have a little baby girl. Her first birthday is today. Sometimes I just feel like taking my life. God, I've never felt this pain in my life! I cry like a sissy and feel very low. I just want to abandon this world!

She was my only and best friend. I don't feel like dating, nor even know how to anymore. I'm finding it difficult to get over her. She says she loves me and that she is in love with me but she cannot live with me in the same house anymore. We argued a lot. She is a bit irresponsible but now I could care less. She doesn't believe me. Maybe I'm being stupid, don't know. She is my other half. All I know is that I cannot function without her and I love her so much. She is living at her mother's now with our baby. She does care a lot about letting me see the baby and stay with her. That's something important to her.

I'm at a loss. I just want her back no matter what it takes.

shaunice 3 years ago

i still cant let go and its been almost 3months we havent been together.i just dont know what to do any more.i cry every night over him! i need help

ice8eight 3 years ago

Well, this definetely works, but not always.

To me when you say moving on, it is to do something that will make you forget or atleast not think about the whole break up etc. My girlfriend left me 2 months ago after a 4 1/2 years of love and a wonderful relationship, I admit that I still have not move on but I am trying my best to do so.

One thing that worked for me is playing basketball with friends, play video games, meet people and make friends. Remembering the pass could be really stressful. If you dont do something about it, it will always make you not sleep at night.

So my advice is do something recreational, work out, get a job, play games, keep your mind out of the drama. Motivate yourself, always think that the best days of your life is still ahead of you and there is someone special waiting.

ice8eight 3 years ago

wow I just checked back and you just replied a minute ago.

Anyways, like I have said, me and my girlfriend broke up. I still have'nt move on but I am seeing some improvements like I am able to sleep every night, get back to school and do my work and other things. Although whenever Im alone it gets into me. I keep remembering the good times, bad time and the whole break up think. Like you have said, denial. I deny every single thing that happened during the break up. Right now Im still depressed.

Its tough but I know I need to get through

Karen 3 years ago

Thank you for this article. I've been reading a lot of things online since my break up but I like how this really breaks it down.

It only happened a week, after a year of the best relationship I've ever had. He's a fireman in NY, went through the grueling academy for 6 months. Despite that, we were (so I thought) perfect together. We have known each other for about 12 years, he's close with my family, etc.

A few weeks ago, I felt him withdrawing. I asked him about it & he said he just had a lot on his mind, but didn't really want to talk about it. I didn't push the issue, just told him I was there if he needed me. A week ago, he told me that he was feeling numb, that he doesn't want anything. Even though he's 30 years old, has a job that he loves, things just aren't clicking for him. He wanted time to figure things & himself out. Told me it wasn't anything I did, I'm not needy, on top of him, or smothering. He was such a social guy, but he said he doesn't feel like seeing his friends, all he wants to do after work is stay in & sleep. He doesn't want to "answer to anyone."

I stupidly though, even though he wanted space, we were still together in some ways. Two days later, I see he changed his facebook status to single. I thought he would've at least respected me enough to give me a heads up. To me, I feel he took the coward way out.

I did know that when he is going through difficulties, he tends to push everyone away & shut himself down. I thought, being his girlfriend, he wouldn't do it to me.

I am at a loss, crying all the time. I'm keeping myself busy but he's always on the back of my mind. There's a big hole in my life without him.

michelle 3 years ago

very well written article. i was dating someone for 5 years and even after we broke up we hung together for months afterwards..i loved him and i still do but i think i know that we're just not good for each other, we both had our issues while we were dating he was in constant touch with his ex girlfriend and would do things that would hurt me he'd travel with her, tell me he needed to have an early night and then would push off to go see her.. this went on for a bit and i let it slide because i was hoping that at some point he'd change and if i'd tell him about how much it upset it me he'd just say that she was a very important part of his life and he couldn't let her go. anyway i reached a point in the relationship where i realized that things were never going to change, he loved me and i know that but he just took me for granted because he felt that i was always going to be there.. the reason we broke up was because i cheated on him. it just happened i wanted out and maybe i was too weak to do it the right way.my cheating on him was the catalyst for a break up but when i look back now i realize it was over long before we actually called it quits. a couple of months later we decided to give it another shot. i apologized profusely but he couldn't let it go, he'd abuse me in public, say all sorts of nasty things to me and was just disrespectful. if i asked him not to he'd just say you messed up deal with it.. this went on for a bit and after speaking to a couple of my friends i decided that i needed to move on with my life so i called it quits. i've now met someone else who's the complete opposite of him. he's warm, caring and he loves me but i can't seem to drop my guard for the fear of getting hurt again. now my ex has come back into my life and says he loves me and wants to give it another shot, he says he'll try and change if that's what it takes to make it work but he wants me to stop talking to this other guy which i guess is understandable but he also doesn't want me to talk to anyone he doesn't approve off?!? i really do love him and it's so hard for me to take a call on this, i know i should be moving on and putting this behind me but i waited for him to say that he'd change for years and now that he's said it i feel if i don't give it another shot just to see if he really has i might regret it later.. what should i do?

minicooper123 3 years ago

It's been year since my x has left me. I have yet to wake up and not think about him. He was so cold to me, I alwalys wanted to get close him. I wanted to show him that I am worthy of his love, and he denied it. I kept trying. Now he is getting engaged and I have accepted it. Still there is part of me that thinks he may return. Everything I do feels like a competetion with him. I know he doesnt even care and know about my life anymore. But I still want to show him that I am worth his love, I just wanted to be wanted by him. I loved him so much, I wanted to marry him. I just want to move on, I dont think I have accepted our break up yet, since I keep thinking he might be coming back. In reality, he wont. I starting to hate my emotions, I dont know if I can ever relived of this misery.

MEL 3 years ago

Hi. Before the breakup happened, I felt as if my boyfriend (well ex) only made me an option. He would get back to me whenever he had the free time (like driving) but he wouldnt make an effort to make plans because he didn't know if he would be busy and so on. So i got super upset when we havent hung out in 4 days and he told me that he couldnt hang out on wednesday and thursday. I got super upset and he hung up the phone and texted me: call me back when you're done being upset. i didnt call him back because to me, that meant to call him back when i was okay. it felt like he didnt care. So then we havent talked to each other in 5 days. the pride got the both of us. but i decided to go clubbing with my friends and got drunk. i ended up kissing one of my girlfriends which a guy posted on facebook. this other dude ended up kissing me out of nowhere. The next day i told my boyfriend that i ended up clubbing and he got super upset. but after that he forgave me instantly. i was planning to tell him about the details but didnt know how to approach him with it. He found out from somone else and broke up with me. I feel bad for that because now i replay everything in my head. i wish i never went clubbing and i wish that i couldve handled the situation differently. He was a really good guy that just had so much on his hands. I blame myself for not being understanding. I feel like theres just this hole in my chest that won't go away. i begged him to take me back and i know that there's no way. he's that type of guy that makes a decision and sticks with it. he's one of the best boyfriends i've ever had but was just really busy. help

MEL 3 years ago

thanks so much. i did give him space. i tried to ask for his forgiveness and he said theres no way we're going back out. so i figured that i wanted a clean break. i erased everything we've ever had but the memory is still intact. i know i'll be okay. it's just the NOW that sucks. i've had my ups and downs for these past 5 days. Some moments i just completely lose it which i know is normal and other days im feeling that i'll be okay wihtout him. i went to sleep early. i got this message from an unknown number at 2am... (because i erased his number and never memorized it) but i knew it was him he said, "hey. how are you? are you up?" i didnt reply because i was sleeping and then he said "okay. just disregard the last text. i didnt think you were up. sorry for texting you. you're probably reading those magazines and following them that say to cut off all ties to your ex. anyway, good night, stay safe" i always used to read magazines when we were going out that's why. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? everyday i have been getting slowly better. if he just texts me out of nowhere.. im going to expect the worst. i'll be mad if he's playing around because i've worked really hard to accept we're over and now this? i'm kind of tweakin out. haha.

MEL 3 years ago

yeah you're right. thanks. it always makes more sense when someone else makes you see things for what they really are. i think i'm going to try to do my own thing from now on. He claims that he wants to be "friends" because it felt "weird" not talking. well obviously it feels weird because we just broke up. what does he want from me? He says that he doesnt want to lead me on but texts me about uneccesary things like help with so and so. I feel like he's keeping me at arms length just incase he decides to change his mind. I feel like he is being selfish. I want to be over him and start over especially since i will be moving in a month to my own place. If he really loved me and decided to forgive me, he will come around one day if that's the case. Other than that, i'm not going to hold my breathe for any fairy tales or happy endings. School will be over in a week and if we constantly see each other, we will never get over each other (he says he still cares and is not over me yet). I'm just going to go with the flow and remember the reasons why we broke up to prevent me from feeling needy or depressed. I won't be losing anything by getting over him and becoming a self-reliant individual. Thanks for all the advice and making me see things clearer.

Anna 3 years ago

I like this..

after my bf broke up with me..it hurts big time..

i want to move on already..

for the both of us and esp.

for me..

Sarah 3 years ago

I totally agree with you. He has told me many times that he doesn't expect me to wait for him and has even said that I should tryto date others because he doesn't want me to sit around waiting on him. However, when we were still in contact he got jealous and would say that he thinks I'm moving on faster than he is.. and I'm like.. hello!? You're the one who's moving on faster than me.. YOURE the one who wanted to break up. I asked why would he want me to date others if he still loved me and he said he just sai dthat because he doesn't want me to think he's expecting me to sit around and wait on him... However, talking to him and hearing him tell me he's still in love with me is what's keeping me waiting. So thats why I have cut off all communication with him a little over a week ago. I'm trying to move on but it's very hard. Esp when I have in my mind all the "what ifs" because he's "still in love with me". I know that I need to let him go and if it's meant to be it will come back.. but even if we are not talking do you think it will come back? I feel like he needs to grow up a little or have some time to "rediscover" himself ya know? I just don't get how he could have kissed me and held my hand..and got all emotional just 2 weeks ago and then not be with me.

So yes, I agree with you but he has told me he doesn't expect me to wait around. I just wish I could completely let go.. and if he comes back good.. and if not, it's better off.. ya know? I guess it's all apart of the healing process.. getting to that point and all. It's just so hard after that person was such a big part of your life.

MALCUM 2 years ago

hi,

i went through the rticle and i just wanted to share my saga.

it all started when my EX girlfriend was studying in another country and we started chatting and talking on phone. She told me she is doing some course in that country. after 3 months of chatting and phone talks she we met , she finished and came back. we both liven in different cities so the plan was to catchup in my city and go on vacation to some nice place.

the day came when we were supposed to meet and i waited for her at the train station , but she didnt come or even call me , then she called me after 10 hrs that she is with her family and she wants to see me, i tried to book my plane tickets but couldnt get any flights, so i decided to go by my car, i travelled and got into an accident but even that didnt stop me, i left my car and got a lift till the place i was supposed to meet her,

i waited for her but then she came and we talked and everything. it was ony for few mins. then she said she is going back with her family and will catch up in future.

i got a scholarship and went to study in another country where she joined me after 5 months. we started living togather and this is the time when i found out what she really was.

first i found out that she lied about the study she is doing in the other country, then i found out that she had lied about her age, then the biggest thing was her name, it was not her real name, she lied about her real name for all these months .

but i felt very bd for a while but then i thought , its the person i love not the name or the age .

time passed by and i realised she is very immetur , fights for the food , she never cooked for herself , rather stays in front of her PC and asks me to make something and she would have a bite, after a long day of study and work i came home and i cooked for both of us,

then after few months i came to know that she lied again about her studies, and then again she went to see movie with one of her male friend alone. i calmed myself and forgave her .

then few days passed by and she got a job for herself , she used to leave at 6 am and come back at 7 pm, it was really hard for me to stay like that with her, but she always showed she loved me, so i forgot everything everytime i saw her face and when she said she loves me alot.

then after that i saw the real mess she makes, she abbused me on my ace, really loud, threw my stuff out of the room, on a simple matter that i just asked her a question regarding a male office friend and she became really voilent in front of everyone and behaved like a psyco and called the cops,

the cops came and everyone who say everything said she is the one who made the scine so they didnt say anything to me.

that was the last thing i could bare, i moved out , found a nice appartment, started living my life, then one night she called and cried and cried and kept on calling me, i then being an very emotional human, met her and she convenced me to move back with her. so i moved in,

then after 1 month she went bact to home country to her family and didnt even bother to call me for 30 days. and yes, as usual i became an emotional fool , shekept all her lougage with me which included 2 big bags and 12 cartons of stuff .

i carried it to the new place which i took after she left. after trying to get in touch wth her for many days i thought she is not coming back and i assumed she has broken off.

but one day she called and said sorry and made a awefully lame excuse for not contacting. then she extended her trip from 30 days to 4 months. i still waited for her.

when she came back we moved in the same house but this time i moved into a different room. time passed by, and a hell lotof burden came on my head, my job, studies, assignments and exams, she is not doing anything right now except asking me to spend time with her when i am studying.

last night i promised her that i will do a favor for her , but due to late night studies and COOKING also, i was tiered and i slept for few extra hours, and i said i will do the favor tomorrow since its not that important.

today she said she doesnt want to talk to me and went out with with one of her male friends and came back really late, i just wanted to have a talk instead she came out and started abbusing me and saying she doesnt love me anymore and she deserves someone much better than i am.

i agreed with her and went off. she said she would have done this long before and i agreed on this also, now i am a bit sad for myself that why the hell did i fall for her and gave her the most important pace n my life and heart. this really hurts and i feel bad when i remember the good time (WHICH IS VERY VERY LESS) togather.

EKT 2 years ago

These comments have helped me so much. I have an exboyfriend that I have to work with everyday. He has had a new girlfriend, but still tx me and just drops by my house. If he calls and i am not at home he acts offended or hurt. Or makes some snotty comment. I am trying to move on but he keeps up with just enough contact to act like he still likes me. It will not work for us. We are good as friends but not as partners. He is too too critical of me and does not show me respect or value my feelings. But then he says or does something nice and I feel torn and very used. I really want to get over him

jose 2 years ago

hey i just got out of a realtionship after 41/2 years its been 2 months now and ive found someone i really like and care for we only knew each other for 5 days and it feels like months we have that connect i wish we had this before my ex-fince. i am over my ex and i want to move on and be with the one ive learn about and i am every happy everytime im with her and when im not i think about her all the time. i would like to know how long should i wait to start a realtionship. i want to start now but i dont think its a good idea i would like to hear from everyone please

D 2 years ago

Hi, this article is really helpful but the problem is that it all looks so easy when i read it 2 days ago and frankly speaking its really hard to move on and forgiving her and myself. When i moved into uni she kind of became my best friend, we used to hand out day n night, soon my feeling grew for her and i fell in love with her, even she did. After 3 months my parents went against her and didn't supported my feelings for her due to their believes, so i tried to keep a distance with her so as to not to realize after years that there is no future and we cant get marry but i love her. We used to have our arguments, but with her everything used to feel perfect with her. Now she moved on, left uni, got married and went back to her country leaving me behind. She was all i wanted and i drew her away (coz my parents wont have accepted her) but still i cant forget her as i still love her n miss day n night. Now i cant do anything, i even feel wired talking to her even as a friend. Its been 3 months and i still cant get over her even though she is married, everything reminds me of her and i cant get over her. Now we are sort of friends, i know i shouldn't be but she was my only true frind that i ever had. All day i keep on thinking about her and how our relationship could have been without restrictions. These days i cant even study or do anything, i cried a lot in the beginning, tried distracting my mind with other activities but everything makes reminds me of her or how she could have been here with me. I know our relation is definitely over but i still hope it doesn't. i also cant forgive her as she left me and myself for doing the thing that i did to make her go away from me. i also blame my parents and their believes for everything that had happened and i cant even tell them as they have given me everything that i ever wanted except this. Damn i really miss being around her.

MALCUM 2 years ago

@jtboswell ,

hi this is malcum, today finally after breaking up with her (actually she is the one who broke up and i was so glad she thinks that she dumped me, coz then she wont have any regrets of anyone hurting her) anyways it doesnt matter, all that matter is she left the house , packed her bags, broke almost everything i owend, and left, i took pictures and recorded the way she abbused me , and seriously i am feeling a little sad since she said a lot of things that an intelectual person shouldnt, cursed and talked to her male friends who are as dumb as she is, and i really shouldnt be cairing, but it is a little cold outside and i am still worried. i dont know what to do to forget this, This has seriously made an impact on the way i think and persieve things.

I want someone who would understand and care mutually, atleast be polite and show some intelect when it comes to relationship. what to do and how to do it, and i seriously regret the fact that my past is so so bad, and i have a hitch wether to discuss about it with anyone whome i like or not. what would they think. i am a little worried.

Naomi 2 years ago

Hi jtboswell, thank you for your article and the feedback you've given to so many individuals. I was reading the different situations & your feedbacks and was hoping I can apply your advice to my problem, but everyone has a different situation, so I decided to write to you, hoping I can get some good advice on how to get back on my feet again.

I've known my ex-bf for about 9 months now. We met at orientation (we were sitting at the same table next to each other) when we first started working (but we were in different departments). I felt that we clicked rather quickly, but the thing is, he has a girlfriend of 3 years who he's lived with for just ~1 month (at this time). Previously, they lived in another state and were living apart from each other. Every now and then, we (the ex, his gf, and I) would find time to hang out during weekends. Everyday at work, we would chat with each other, even after work. I felt like we were updating each other the other's life every minute, but we just enjoyed talked to each other. After knowing him for about 2 months, both of us started to like each other. But he was in a relationship (although a bit rocky when I first met them) at the time, so I tried to keep my distance. During this period, he decided to leave her because he was getting tired of her emotional breakdowns every now and then, and occasional mentions of "break up". He told her that he likes me and she said that she's happy for him. Not too long after (probably a week or less), we got together; it was more of a "spur the moment" kind of thing - - i.e., we were a bit drunk, became physically close and then kissed, etc. I honestly didn't know we were together as gf/bf until a 2 days later. I guess he acknowledged it, and I didnt (I guess I wasn't ready, or didn't think he was ready because he just got out of a 3-yr relationship!). We dated for ~1.5-2 weeks, and I'd have to say that as much as I love him, I was mentally drained from the relationship. He lives with her and even when we were dating, they were still living together and sleeping in the same bed. But not too long after their break-up, she decided to go back home on a vacation for about 1-2 weeks, which left him all alone at his place. He told me that he didn't like being alone in his place; it felt weird to him. I'd try my best to have dinner with him each night at his place, but there were couple times where I couldn't be there. During those times he would seem a bit to himself. When I asked him if something's wrong and that I'm here if he wanted to talk, he'd say he's fine and to not worry. During the time we were together, I didn't found out until later that he was still chatting everyday with his ex-gf and talking about very personal and detailed things, even about "our" relationship and the intimate things we've done. He told me that they are very close and they're open-minded people, so they tend to share these things to each other; it is normal to them. I told him I was uncomfortable with him telling her every little detail about us and he said he'll try not to do it again. There were a couple days where he would mention that he still has feelings for her and cares for her (but not in the way that I would ever understand) as they've known each other for a pretty long time and she's like a close friend to him, which prompted me to ask, "Do you still love her?" He said "yes, but a different love; it's hard to describe," which frustrated me as I'm not sure if he is totally over her yet. I told him that "I'm not forbidding you to see/talk to her, let alone live with her (he didn't want her to move out as living expenses elsewhere would be too expense for her which I understood and tolerated), but you need to have some time off after the break-up before you can be actual 'friends' again, because it's obvious that both of you aren't over each other yet." I said that I am willing to wait for him until he has gotten over her as I don't want to be the rebound. He thought it through and told me that he we should take a break from this whole gf/bf thing (which I agreed to). However, what I did not expect was the following, "I just want to let you know that there is a possibility that I will be getting back with her in the near future." He went back to the state she was staying at and got back with her a couple days after our break-up. I was pretty devasted, angered, and saddened for days. I ignored him for a week, but I couldn't control myself from ignoring him as he felt guilty for breaking my heart. I went online after a week and chatted with him. From then on, we have been chatting almost everyday (from morning until night - - at work and home) until today. Not only do we chat everyday, after our break-up, we continued to see each other in person at night and were still intimate with each other as if we were still together. (By the way, his gf is absolutely okay with us being intimate with each other as they are in an open relationship which I didn't quite understand and couldn't accept until a bit later. He tells his gf everything after being intimate with me and she's quite fine with it and actually wants to invite me over or hang out together. i don't quite understand how she can tolerate all of this. doesn't she get jealous or angered at all?) There were many times where I came to a brief realization that what is the point of this? Why am I wasting my time? So, I would ignore him for a couple days, only to see myself few days later logging back on to talk to him again; I've repeat this process a few weeks later, which he would question why I've ignored him again. I guess it's all self-discipline and will-power, which I lack when it comes to break-ups.

I don't know what to do. I am tempted to ignore him again, so that I can start my healing process. But keep in mind, we have been talking almost everyday for the past 9 months and we also work for the same company. I'm not sure what to do at this moment and would greatly appreciate your thoughts on this complicated mess I got myself into.

D 2 years ago

hi jtboswell, is it still possible to have some feeling for her even though i have dont want to be with her and trying to get over her. I tried telling my self that everything with her is over, even our friendship but its kind reminding me of the times we had together. Its like SHE IS THE LAST PERSON I WANTED TO SEE AGAIN ever AND SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON I EVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN..... i seriously cant get over her even after 3.5 months. And how can i forgive everyone, when according to me i dont want to. Its just killing me inside pretending to my parents that nothing had happened and how much i miss her and i wont ever be able to be with her again. Aaahhh. I know time will help me. I know i am young but she was my 1st love and maybe the only one. She was perfect in everything and the person that i wanted to be with. How can i forget that. Is it possible to just forget everything.

toni 2 years ago

How long is the normal healing process? a month 2 or 3?thanks

Angela 2 years ago

I've only been with my guy for four months but we have know each other for almost a year. We kept in touch, texted and talked for two months before we got together. We had everything in common, loved each other's company, had tons of fun together but he let me go though it was hard for him via phone because he was worried about me, day before yesterday. He called for another reason, but I was confused for two weeks so I pulled this info out of him. He has been confused too. I've dated quite a bit in my past and have taken more than a year off to focus on work and school and also to be single so I can take some time off from love and relationship because I needed it (hurts too much in general). He is in my graduate program and since last year,he has liked me and found ways to talk to me after class. I knew he liked me but I was scared to date again. Fast forward, 6 months later of keeping in touching and eventually dating each other. I knew he was dating others and wasn't ready for committment. we had the talk. I didn't like it and almost broke things off few months ago but I liked him so much. We were still texting like nothing happened but he broke the news monday night that he wasn't sure if there was a future. I saw him two weeks ago and everything was well. I'm so confused, I am heart broken and I feel like I can't move on. I can't eat, sleep, focus on my studies and I see him in class in two weeks and everything reminds me of him and it hurts so much. I've talked to family and close friends and turned to them for support and they all know about him from the beginning of me dating him, and has said that he is confused, not ready to settle down and does not know what he wants yet. I fell in love with him and I feel like I cannot move on. I can if I didn't have class with him every month. We were inseperable. He met a girl two weeks ago via a friend and he thinks there is potential. It hurts so much. But I cannot get too mad because we were not exclusive but the suddeness of the calling off of the dating relationship is something that is killing me now. Both his parents and my parents knew about each other too. School weekends I am usually at his place the long weekend. The memories are yes memories only but how can I move on???? I haven't slept in days, can't stop crying. He emailed me last night saying that he thinks it's unfortunate that I keep thinking that he didn't have feelings for me, he took the breaking off lightly which he didn't but I was so hurt that I said things as I was crying so much and couldnt think. He apologized for putting me through so much pain the last several months and all he wanted to do was bring me happiness. He has said and he has proved that he cares deeply for me. He is grateful that after many years of closing my heart, he was the first one that I re-opened to again. He cares about me very much, my feelings are important to him and he has took care of me and tried his best to protect my feelings as he is afraid to hurt me because he moves slow and mentally moves slow too (falling in love and etc). He has had a bad past, no solid relationship background and he himself told me that he is not experienced in this category in terms of foundation for sure. I miss him so much. But why the sudden breaking off? It's not like I was his gf and he found something better and broke up with me. We were allowed to openly date and he wanted to move slow to see where we will head. I asked him last night, he is not ready to settle down, marry, not looking for a wife but eventually he will be.

Please, please give me some help on this. It hurts so much. The feelings between us and he said his feelings for me were very genuine and sincere. It hurts so much because this is the first guy that treated me right. I don't have good karma with men in my past hence the reason I prefer to stay single and focus on my second graduate educ and career. He says that he feels the same way about me like when we first started dating and he thinks it's a bad thing. Therefore he broke it off. I cannot comprehend it as if feelings are lost, that is a reason to let someone go. I'm so hurt, confused, can't think straight and need some input. He is a very good hearted guy who treated me well.

Please, is there anything I can do? Yes, nothing. I know I need to move forward. Family and friends notice that I was a happier person when I went out with him and all said early on that I had a very good guy on my hands. They are all saying, that he may come back when he realizes that he had something special. I'm not counting on that as I am not vain and have hope at this time.

I need help. I can't stop crying, I can't eat, I've shut down all five of my sites. Networking sites such as myspace, facebook, friendster. He is on there. Looking at his pictures, I completely break down. Starting from last night, I am breaking all contact with him because that is my way to move on. He doesn't know this new girl except for two weeks. but yet he let me go? Is his reason reasonable for letting me go? He's very clingy and wants to see me alot, up until our spat day before yesterday . I will check this site periodically and hope I will get some opinions from some on this site.

I feel very devastated and I don't know how I'll be able to move on as I will see him in class and when I don't, I'll be fine, when I do, my wounds will re-open.

help!

singleinaustin26 2 years ago

Wow I should have read this a long time ago, I have certainly spent almost a month crying and missing my ex. While I still love him it is time for me to accept that the relationship is over and I need to move on. THank you!

Mighty Mom 2 years ago

Wow. This hub is a regular "Miss Lonelyhearts" column! You offer some really solid and reasonable suggestions. When you're deep in that ache/pain of loss, it's really hard to think logically. But as you point out, it's really important to allow yourself time to grieve.

So many people (I've done this more times than I care to admit) are rebounders. They don't want to feel the pain of rejection so jump right into another relationship. Not healthy, nor is it really fair to the other person!

Angela 2 years ago

Thank you so much for responding back. it's been exactly a week ago since the split. I've cried my eyes out this past week. I have cut all contact with him too. I have tried to not look at his pictures on the internet and will probably shut my site down soon. I sent him a letter the following day letting him know how I felt, the hurt, the bad parts, the good, feelings, everything and he responded right away that he was sorry for hurting me but that he was just not ready to settle down to get married or of that sort. He is just dating around right now. He respects my space and has not asked to see me. Clarification as I think I may have confused you, he didn't ask to see me after we broke up. I'm coming to terms with the breaking up and accepting that I have to move on. Yes, the class part will be hard as this is a professional program and you are in the same program for two years so I am stuck. The being confused and complicated wasn't my interpretation but what he told me when we brokeup last week. I pray this pain goes away soon as it is eating me alive. I'm definitely not into being friends with him as I usually make a clean break with all my ex's or guys I have dated in my past. I just hope that I was not played in this dating relationship. Thank you again.

Angela 2 years ago

jtboswell,

I forgot to ask. Is this normal in a dating relationship? For a person to fall this quickly and for someone that is not looking for a relationship, is this also normal that they date around? I'm not thinking too clearly right now so please excuse my dumb questions. I hope the next time when I visit this site after I have healed is to update with (hopefully) good news. thank you again for taking time ouf of your busy day to respond to my question. I was hysterical but of course he didn't know (in my own privacy) right after the breakup and this past week, but am slowly calming down. I will have to find a way to get over this breakup...I will survive.....

K 2 years ago

It's been 2 months since he left me and I'm still a huge mess. I still cry everyday and feel a lot of pain. I thought he was the love of my life.

However, I have been doing a lot of the things you're supposed to...taking walks, being with friends and family, going to therapy, support groups, trying a new hobby, volunteering, trying to meet new people with the same interests, going to new places, etc. These things definitely help, but I'm still hurting very badly on this journey...

My questions are these: How long will I suffer like this? I know everyone has their own process of healing and we can't put a time limit on it, but ideally when should I start feeling better? Also, I have a lot of guilt from my mistakes in the relationship...I blame myself for him leaving me and I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. How exactly do I forgive myself? I really hate myself for messing up my life.

Thank you so much. It helps to know that I'm not alone!

Hurting 2 years ago

My exboyfriend broke up with me. A week before he broke up with me he told me how much he loved me, our relationship was perfect nothing he would change, and we talked about our future. He said he got scared and ran. He says that he is in love with me and misses me but that he is scared to move forward with our relationship (we dated two years). I was not pressuring him, he admits that he was pressuring himself and said that it is MO to run. Well one week after breaking up with me he started seeing someone else. He told me while he likes her, she is a distraction so that he doesn't have to think about us. We were always together at his house, so he says he is at her house because being home makes him think of me. I think he is full of it. I asked him to not see her and not get back with me but to be alone and work on his fears. He said he knows he need to do that but he can't right now he is scared. He said that he told her that he could leave at anytime and she accepts this, he also admitted that he did not tell her he is still in love with me. The last time I saw him he wanted to be intimate but resisted and then right over to her house and slept with her. This is tearing me apart because I know he is sleeping with her and doing and going all the places we use to go. I don't understand how he can love me and be with someone else. It is tearing me apart. I have chosen not to speak with him anymore and told him that until he is willing to work on his issue of running that I would never be with him because there is no security in our relationship. Now I can't stop thinking about the fact that he will never come back to me or worse he will remain with her. I thought we were soulmates and would be together forever. I want the future we talked about and I just so heart broken. I have lost 40 pounds in two months and I so stressed out. He said that he knows he did not do right by us or me and the he is doing what makes him feel comfortable running.

Please help. I so tired of crying

mary grace 2 years ago

jtboswell

right now, im very depressed knowing that i broke my relationship with my boyfried last july 22, 09. we went a lot in our relationship (knowing that my parents are against with this guy) all the probs, trials and i may say its very tough in dealing with it. SO, im on the process of moving on, trying to live my life normal, but its very hard to wake up in the morning, thinking he's gone, we are no longer together.. (the cause of our break up is he is not willing to cooperate with me, for the last 1 year, i am the one who decides in everything that regards to our relationship and i am very tired, financially also i have the most effort, both of us has job, maybe our level of maturity matters a lot he's 22 and i am 24... pls give me some tips to overcome my depression.. thanks

Riff 2 years ago

jtboswell, You made a comment in an earlier post about "turning your love for someone off like a faucet". Well, that's exactly what happened to me. Me and my gf broke up 2 months ago, and for the first month after the break, we were basically still dating, still seeing eachother, still sleeping together, still texting and sending pictures, still telling eachother we loved eachother. The intention was for it to be a temporary seperation. But overnight, she simply stopped all contact. And when I finally tracked her down, I managed to drag out of her that she was now suddenly dating one of my friends (not a friend anymore)! She said she no longer loved me and that she was happy with her new man. We were together for 3 years and had a deep intimate love for eachother. We had plans for the future. Even names picked out for future children! Neither of us were perfect in the relationship, but we both loved and cared for eachother with all of our heart. I am so devistated that I just don't know what to do with myself. I just can't understand how she could simply turn off the switch overnight and be perfectly happy with someone else. Now I have to wallow in what seems like and endless hopeless misery while she and her new man (who both live in the same town as me) are basking in the bliss of a brand new relationship. I'm trying to avoid all contact with her, but she continues to text me every few days to find out "how I'm doing" even after I asked her not to contact me. I don't understand why she wants to know how I'm doing when she no longer loves me. I'm trying also to eat healthy and excercise and take all the proper healing steps, but I still cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. She's all I ever think about. And I know she loved me. I saw it in her eyes and I felt it deep into my soul. But she somehow managed just to simply discard it like nothing. I guess I will never understand how in human nature that could even be possible. This is a good post though. I have read many others like it in an attempt to try and find hope. Thank you.

Elle 75 2 years ago

So I guess I wanted to share my story...

I went out with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I thought we had the perfect relationship. He always told me how much he loved me, how beautiful and special I am. He would always say that we would be together forever and that he would never break up with me.

We got along great, but I always thought he wanted to hang out with his friends too much for being in his mid 30s. I didn't think there was any reason he should want to drink with them several nights a week, so that was probably my biggest worry. Also, he had some other physical issues in the bedroom but I was really understanding about that and he always said it wasn't me.

About a month before we broke up, he told me that he used to have a bad gambling problem because he was unhappy but that he's over it now. It worried me, but I loved him so much that I guess I just overlooked it.

Then, a month later, he tells me he's sorry but he just doesn't love me. He said he thought he did but he realized over the past few weeks that he doesn't. He said he wants to be friends even though he knows that may take a long time. He cried when we broke up and said I was his best girlfriend and that I made him happy but he just didn't love me.

Now, a couple months later, I still can't get over this. I keep asking myself what I did wrong and I'm just completely devastated. I don't understand what happened, why if I make him happy and am the best girlfriend he's had, he would break up with me so suddenly. I had met his family a week before he broke up with me. Why in the earth would he even want me to meet them if he was just going to break up with me. We had talked about going on vacation next year, about spending Christmas together. It's just so weird. I think he has major committment issues, but I just don't know. It's confusing and it's killing me.

josie100 2 years ago

I broke up with a guy because of distance, i was still making an effort but I felt he'd given up. He agreed the distance meant it wouldn't work out etc. Now that we have split up, he still calls me and even suggested we could still attend a wedding together and meet up when we are abroad ( I am on holidays and he us apparently working over there..coincidence).

I think this is making it difficult for me to move on, but though i was brave enough to end the relationship, I don't seem to have the gumtion to say that its not appropriate we meet up too soon/ attend wedding - even if we are to remain 'friends'.

He is acting all chilled out about it so I don't want to come across as some over zealous self righteous person, especially as we have hometown connections and mutual friends from home.

I'd really appreciate your advice as I am not sure what to do ;-)

propsgrl12 2 years ago

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months. I am about to go to Grad School in Cincinnati which is 10 hours away from where I went to Undergrad(where ex has 1 more semester). Our relationship was fine except for he wasn't always great at communicating. He felt like he couldn't put the energy into maintaining a long-distance relationship. He has nothing to offer me and he has no real direction after he graduates in December.

We both got super emotional when saying goodbye.

We met for coffee last week as a final goodbye since I am moving. The connection between us was still there and easy to talk with him and such. He admitted that he doesn't see himself in a relationship within the next year and doesn't want to date anyone else.

I don't want to date anyone else and feel like he was my soul mate. We made a pact to keep in touch and in 3 years once I am done with Grad School to have coffee and see if anything is there.

We both also admitted that the next people in our lives probably won't meet our parents or get to the point we got to.

Yet, I can't help but hope that he will wake up one day and realize he does want to fight or show up at my apartment in Cincinnati.

Do you think he was truthful in saying he doesn't really see himself dating or was that an act for me?

Was it a bad idea to make the pact or will it just fade away once we both are ready to move on?

How do I move on and not keep in the back of my mind waiting for him to wake up and fight?

rybred 2 years ago

hey been reading these articles and really impressed with somw of the asvice given, my girfriend and I broke up after a 3yr relationship 2 days ago. we were high school sweethearts, we used to be the type of couple that would experience everything that life had to offer, we did everything together, we did most of our "firsts" together aswell, i blame myself constantly for how our relation ended up. not trying to be a smartass or anything but i used to be the guy in school that every1 like, all the boys wanted to say they were friends with me and all the girls wanted to be seen with, so as usual i did what any guy in that situation would do....let ur pride come first..and by doing that i out my gf through torture for the first 1 and a half yrs of the relationship, the thing about my gf is that she loved me soooooo much, she did everything for me, she even got suspended from school for me back in the day.haha. i know...sad!! she gave our relatioship everyting and i gave nothing. i can still remember that day when it all switched around..thats the day she started giving me ship back, she started treating me badly. thats when i decided that i was going to change for her she i finally realised that i loved he more than anything on earth, and i did change, i was caring, respectfull, thoughfull, stopped getting into fights(with random ppl) which used to stress her out. buts that when i realised that it was too late, i pushed her way to far and she just jad so much anger in her and it was all my fault, it carried on like this for about 8 months of my giving everything i had and her just treating me like shit, he even broke up with me 3 times in that time fram, because she said she didnt feel the love anymore (which i know was my fault). and everytime i vowed not to take her back as it only hurt me more to hear,," i just dont think that this is working, i dont feel that i love u anymore, i dnt know why, its not you its me"" the worst part was that she broke me emotionally as i changed my ways for her and then she turned around and said that i wasnt a badboy like i used to , and the fact is that i cant be anymore, i grew out of that phase..im actually a nice guy now and not an idiot to every1. every time we broke up she cried her eyes out because she still cares about me...but 2 days she didnt even care when she said it thats what hurts a lot. its hard to think about the fact that she loved me soo much that ppl though she was obsessed with me..to this!!! to be honest im really very upset and have been depressed for ages now. i cant even give a real smile. nothing makes me happy anymore, im a guy who really loves cars and i really finished building a race car..who i dont even car about coz NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPY ANYMORE!!!!i need ant depressants i think.

i dnt know what to do im dead indide plz help!!!

asher~~ 2 years ago

My ex fiance and i broke up over a year ago, we were living together and engaged, we were together for 4 years, we broke up because we fought a lot. He was my first love and everything, we saw eachother off and on for 4 mo afterwards, one night he says to me that he was not ok, he missed me, he still loves me and wanted to give us another shot, then when i tried setting up dates with him he bailed on me, and got mad at me because he didnt understand why i was hurt, so he quit talking to me for 3 mo, then he saw me one night we talked then, it went well, then he quit talking to me again for 3 more months. Then he saw me this past April, he came over and we talked again, I had done a lot of changing, mentally, for the better, and he realized I had changed, and that i was finally moving on from him again, then he again said to me that he couldnt believe how much i have changed, and that he wasnt ok, and still loves me and really wants to try to make it work again, I was skeptical bc he did this before to me, which he acknowledged, and said he was sorry for and promised me he wouldnt do it again, that he was serious this time, so I let my guard down and belived him, he went out of town for 3 weeks, he said when he got back we could go on dates again, well after the 3 weeks almost a month i didnt hear anything from him, he never responded to any tests, msgs etc, come to find out, he got another girlfriend behind my back and didnt tell me, and now hes happy with her. Everytime i got over him he came into my life and ruined all my progress.. I will never know what happend and why he did that, when he sounded so sincere and serious, i dont know how you go from loving someone so much and wanted to give them another chance, then getting someone else so fast. what do i do, how do i make this pain go away. I dont understand what happend

MissHino 2 years ago

Im dealing with a break up and Im not sure of what I should do. Im trying to hold on to what we have and the last 3 words he says to me every time we finish a conversation "i love you" but how can i be so stupid to want to hold on to someone who has just told me that my mind is telling me to get back with you but my heart is telling me to move on. i feel so stupid, i cry every night, i cant sleep, i cant eat, because I just wish that things would go back to normal. he says that he needs to more time to figure out whether he wants to be with more ornot but i feel like a puppet being played with. Its like i know the answer Im just waiting for him to be man enough to tell me. My friends can see me breaking down everyday and a dear friend came up to me today and said that Im getting wordse. I feel that times are going to get worse for me before they getting better, Im just going to need time. I love him and always will I just hope that one day he realizes before its to late.

hurting so much 2 years ago

Recently i met a guy by chance, that's how i call it. He's working as a sales agent in the call center from one of the airlines company. Had to book a ticket for my boss and family and he helped me out to arrange evrything. He was very helpful and patient. We had 2 1/2 hours of long conversation just to get the booking done. He mailed me afterwards, wasnt expecting that. He said that, that was he's longest conversation ever in his career in the call center and he had a pleasure of speaking to me. I replied back and thanked him for his time and patience. I was not expecting any reply from him after that, but he replied back after 3 days and since then we constantly emailing each other, chatting everyday, calling up and texting each other. We felt like that we are soulmates as we have a lot of things in common and seems to know each other from the past life. We became so close so fast, so deep and the feeling was so nice. I know in my heart that from then on i dont want to lose him and was so scared to lose him coz i didnt feel anything like that before. Told him everything about my past and i was so happy coz he said i gave him so much honor telling him all about my past. We decided to meet up on my birthday after a month of chatting, calling and texting. When we met, we felt that there's really a connection between us, the friendship became a relationship. Made promises to each other that no matter what happens we will be there for each other. After a week of meeting up, we didnt speak for 2 days, its very unusual for me, i missed him so much and at the same time was so scared that he might have a change of heart already, thinking that my fear has come. Tried calling him but we werent able to speak coz hes cellphone was having a problem. I texted him saying that "sorry to disturb you, just want to know if your ok". I was so hurt and scared at the same time. Thinking that i lost him already, i sent him an email saying that i believed in his promises...to good to be true but still i believed but i guess im wrong..told him how he changed my life and how he made me so happy and that still thanking God he gave him to me. After sending the mail, i received a text message from him saying that he was busy and doing an evening shift and hoping that i was ok. The next day we were chatting again and asked him if were still ok, he said yes and he said that when he told me he loved me he meant it and was about to type a reply for the email that i sent him. So i assume that he read my email already and then the conversation was normal. We chatted in the evening again and we were ok until all of a sudden he told me that to just remain friends coz he didnt like the email that i sent him. And he said that i dont see him as a relationship but a friendship. I tried explaining to him, that i was just scared and thought i lost him that's why i sent him the email and that i didnt have any intention of hurting him. I asked him to give it a second chance but he said whats done is done. He didnt listen to any of my explanation. I did everything i could just to win him back but he told me that its not going to work out for both of us and he thought that i was different from other girls but im pretty much the same. He also said that he just dont want to get hurt again. (He had a past relationship 2 1/2 years back, the girl left him and it was too painful for him). He also said that i dont have space in his heart anymore after what i sent him. Until now the pain is unbearable. It hurts a lot and i want him back. Everything happened so fast but I love him so much. Part of me wants to blame myself for what happened, that if i didnt send that email to him maybe im still happy, but part of me saying that if he really loves me he will prove to me that whatever i said in my email was wrong and that he will prove to me that he really cares for me. But he didnt do anything to prove it to me and just said goodbye. Maybe he just didnt love me at all but im still hoping that he would come back even if i know that its impossible coz he already rejected me. It happened all so fast but its like the pain will remain with me forever.

jamire 2 years ago

thanks.. i think is nice advice ,, it will help me alot

pqc19 2 years ago

Just want to share with you guys what i am going through now.

my ex broke up with me last month(september)with a lame excuse that he is confused about his feelings with his ex wife & his kids which are from other country but i know he is cheating on me because all the signs are already there like he keeps hiding his phone,he will not answer any calls or if not he will turn off his phone if he is with me, he is always infront of the computer, he keeps checking on my schedule eventhough he already knows my schedule(i have a regular schedule), if you call him on his phone he will not answer my call because he is with the other girlfriend but if you ask his friends to call him he will answer their call in just one ring,he comes home late most of the time recently & keeps telling me he helped his friend with some computer problem & until he runs out of excuses,he goes to the party with his "female" friends most of the time without my knowledge & telling his friends that im at work thats why i couldnt make it but actually he didnt tell me anything about the party/inviattion.

one day i was ironing his clothes to go to church & found a different phone hiding under the bed & i am so curious about it & read all their text messages(escapades) so i talked to him about this situation & i let it slide because i was hoping he'd change, & told him how much it upset me because i love him so much & hoping he will change & forget everything & start all over again, then after few months same thing happened again,let it slide again,start all over again,same things happened over & over again.

One day i felt him withdrawing, i asked him & he said he just had a lot of things going on in his mind, but didnt really want to talk about it, i told him i will always be there for him if he needed me.though i already have this feeling that he will dump me inspite of everything i did for him, small or big favors,for him & his friends.I found out one day that he is telling his friends nasty things/bad things about me that are not true & i know that these are just his defense mechanism to cover his infidelity issues to his friends because he is not telling his friends real things that are going on in our relationship.& his friends believed him whatever he told them,his friends didnt even ask me if all his stories are true or what is going on with us & they told me that they dont even know we have the relationship(very lame excuse-obviously we have the relationship because we are living together,we are always together)& i believed that they know about his infidelity & that it is fine with them though they know i will be emotionally hurt about it.If they are really nice friends they will give me a heads up about it but they did not do that. I cried for the whole week after the break up to the point that i shed 10 lbs in just 4 days(i know it is not healthy for me),i came to a point that i want to end my life because i dont know how to deal with it but what i did was just pray every single time my relationship cross my mind. i know i have all the reason to get mad at him but i am still dealing things in a very polite way though he is not, i'm done with crying but i know deep in my heart i am still very,very hurt since i loved him so much for 2&1/2 years & he just walked away still trying to convince me until the last moment that he never cheated on me & that his friends doesnt know anything about the other girlfriends(yes its plural) even i already caught them not only on the phone. i go to the gym,talk to friends,& go out with friends but there are times that i still remember him & i cant help but feel sorry for myself & knowing that they are happy together everyday makes me feel very sad & bad.I dont go the the places we used to go to,dont eat food he loves to eat,dont do things he loves to do during weekend,dont talk to his friends,etc just to forget him but still sometimes i cant help myself & just see myself crying again.i just dont know what to do. Am i doing the right thing here?

hurricane 2 years ago

That advise about not dating anyone from work, well you should extend that to do not date anyone from church. I dated this girl from my church, she was divorced had 3 kids. I had never dated anyone form my church before. But i did, and it was all good, but then after 4 months , she freaked out and became cold and 2 weeks later dumped me. I was so shocked. I tried to beg her, call her and get back for months. She talked to me, but would always so no. then she told me she would never go out with me ever, said i did something to hurt her, but wouldnt tell me what it was. However she said i should know. There was nothing that i did, i wasnt perfect, but who is. Then she changed her number, and we were working in the same class at church and she pulled herself out of the class. I know it was cause i was in the class, even though she denied it. So it was hard going to church 2 times a week cause I would see her, but I did. But then a month later she met this guy from out of state, they dated and he came to visit a few times. It was hard to go to church and see her with him. Now they are dating and he intends to move here and who knows what. But now after going to this church for almost 20 years, it is too hard for me to go, cause I will see her and this guy. I still had feelings for her a few months after the break. I know I have to move on, but I cant do it if I keep going to the same church. So now I have to find a new church after 20 years. I wish I had listened to advise from my friend that said he would never date someone from same church. I guess when I did , I thought things would work out and we would be together, I did not see the other side. Now I am suffering because of it.

Lost 2 years ago

I really need a good advise now. I am right now with my boyfriend of 8 months. He is such a nice guy, with many friends and a good social life. He treats me very good too. Always caring for me, buying gifts and he is, in fact, very close to my family.

But about a month ago, he told me that his love for me seems to be ebbing away. He said he used to love me 100%, now maybe just 50%. He, himself is not certain why. He tried so many ways to love me back. And for the fact that I'm his first girlfriend, he said he is not sure how is he supposed to react.

He has been taking good care of me, fetching me to college every week (although my college is very very far from his). but now he told me that, he felt so used to it already as if it is a thing he must do everyday (meaning fetching me)

He did ask me a couple of times whether do I want to remain back just as friends. I said I'm not ready. We have been talking like grown ups before, planning on what if we broke up, how should we react and carry on with our life since we always meet everyday.

But i know deep down, he is not fully happy and I'm just wondering am I being selfish keeping him to myself. Should I just letgo of this wonderful relationship that we shared, that he promise to fix. I know he is not cheating on me with another women. It hurts him very much to admit that his love for me is getting less.

Please advice me on what to do.

Julie 2 years ago

Hey guys to anyone who is feeling bad about a breakup, it does get easier! My ex broke up with me a year ago but we didnt stop seeing each other till this past august. then he stopped contacting me two months ago he told me he is in a new relationship. at first i was so hurt i literally had a pain in my chest for weeks, i couldnt sleep, eat, go to work, school i lost weight, i was so depressed i wanted to end my life. this lasted more or less after we broke up and got worse when he stopped seeing me completely and got even worse when he said he was in a new relationship. i just feel like if you feel bad feel bad its ok you need to feel bad and depressed , just don't give up on your life, get help if you need freinds or professionals to watch you and sooner or later you won't be able to literally take it anymore it will become easier to accept it than to keep living completely miserable. just keep going, i know it is hard but you have to just focus on just going from one day to the next. Accept that you will feel miserable for a few months, give yourself a year even, but tell yourself that after that you will be happy again. if it was a long time you were together it does take a long time to heal, mine was almost 5 years. i find that it helps not to compare yourself to your ex that they got over you so fast, they may have lef the relationship before it even ended in which case it was their fault it they gave no sign of being disinterested, and also they may be just trying to move on by finding someone else, but don't let this make you fell worse about yourself, they may not have even deaslt with their own emotions but are just ignoring them. as hard as it was i do think cutting contact is necessary to move on. if you want to be freinds in the future that is fine, but honestly ive been able to accept that this was over in three months since i cut contact with my ex, whereas after he told me it was over but kept seeing me, i still hadnt accepted it after a whole year. as they say "acceptance is the only way out of hell" very very true.

Michelle 2 years ago

My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago.. without a reason. Well he gave one but it was more like an excuse instead of an explanation. Im devistated and he refuses to talk to me. Ive cried and been so depressed that my friends and familiy dont know what to do. Ive been asked out by another man, however the guilt of seeing someone else is almost as bad as the original break up.. Does anyone have any advise?

love_lime 2 years ago

Someone who is always there, and they leave because of being tired of dealing with the stress of a relationship. You wan to work it out, but they can't because they have nothing left anymore. but you have no one, no friends, or anything to distract you from the hurt, what do you do. I have learned that Love is dangerous, I don't want to love again. Love can kill you quicker than any illness. Forgetting someone that you only know is hard.

Alie 2 years ago

My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago, saying I cheated on him.He said one of his friends told him I was cheating on him. I confronted my ex and told him it was a lie. I never hurt or cheated on him. I'm the type of person who is very committed and honest and cannot quite understand why he would say I did something like that. Just before he broke up with me, he told me he loved me and we were making plans for our future together. We even had the marriage talk. It hurts like hell knowing I did nothing wrong or cheated on him in any way. I told him I wished no one has to go through the pain and hurt he caused me..and his response was, I belonged in the dump he found me and told me I was a 2 faced liar. I know the type of person I am and I know I am nothing of what he thinks of me. The thing that hurts the most, is that after having such great connection together, it took him one day to think the complete opposite of me. He asked me not to get in touch with him anymore. I know I am going to move on but I just cannot get over the hurt and anger of someone who supposedly love me, put me down in that way. I am strong but I just need time for the pain to go away. I cannot understand why people have to be this cruel.

Robert 2 years ago

Hi, my girlfriend and I got in to a fight on feb14 about her work she works in a casino and I did when I met her and she did date another manager there before me, I quit there in nov 09 and she still works there and she tells me she never sees her old boyfriend since I left there and that no guys hit on her only when she worked night shift she works 3 days a week there and when I was there she always had guys hitting on her giving her money to try impress her and now that she is on day shift and I'm not there anymore she says none of this happens anymore. Now at work she has to wear a new uniform the shorts are so short that her butt is out and the top is so lit that she has to wear a shirt under it and when the casino was thinking about getting the uniforms she said she will never wear it she will find a new job and she knows by her working there puts a lot of stress on use with her old bf there and I worked there guys hit on the cocktail servers all the time she tells me it don't happen to her but know that she is wearing the new uniform she is making like 100. More a day then she did before and I asked her if it because the new uniform she said I don't know she also hides her money so I don't see what she real makes because I caught her lying to me before about what she was making. So when she got home on feb 14 I told her I can't take this anymore guys handing you money for free sodas and coffees and I asked why they tip you so much she said I think they are trying to impress me. I don't like that at all I love her so much and I don't want her in that kind of place and guys talking to her all day, she said you met me with this job I told yes but not with that uniform that looks like a stripper uniform and that you told me if you ever have to wear it you would quit. I told her find a new job or we can not be because I can't take it no more she told me ok I'm moving to my moms house and it's not the first time she did this the last time she when to her moms house she even got a new cell phone and didn't tell me about till I caught her with it one day and she said nothing was going on with anyone else, we were apart for three weeks that time and when she came back home she left the phone at here moms house and said she forgot it. I called the number it was dis. And I asked her why she did that then later I find out she just changed the number. So who ever was calling would not have the number again that's what I think. We have been together for almost two years I really love this girl but all that she puts me though and the games. She left messages four days ago and I texted her back asking if she wanted to be here anymore she said only if I don't say a word about work not a word. I texted back you told me that you would tell me about everything that goes on there now that I'm not working there anymore and she don't say a word about anything. I love her she is my baby girl. I just can't take it I have no one to talk to I cry so much and I have a five year old son that's sees all this and that kills me too. I ccant stand that my girl picked that job over me coz of the money she makes and all the fun she's has there. I was just thinking to send my son back to his moms house and just end my life I don't want to go on I have nothing to look forward to but come to cry myself to sleep. I don't know if she wants me to call her or not so I don't, last time I begged her to come back and told I will change and she needs too. The girl was so into me about everything had to know everything even what hair gel I used. What should I do please help me I have no one to talk too. Ow and her sister just turned 21 so I know they will be going out now and that kills me what if she meets someone ? Do I call or wait to see if she calls? Or try to let it go and I die without her?

Gina 2 years ago

My boyfriend recently broke up with me....6 weeks ago to be exact...and i havent been taking it very well....he was everything i always wanted an dreamed of but because i was always cheated on by my previous boyfriends, i always felt as if he would hurt me too...though he gave me no real reason to believe that.....i gave him a hard time until one day he told me he couldnt take it anymore....he told me a few times before I had nothing to worry about because he wasnt ever goin to hurt me....now this hurts so much hearing him say he doesnt want me anymore....hes closed the door on us....i cry almost every night.....i wish if we could be us again...but i dont know what to do anymore to make this work....:(

Cheryl 2 years ago

I was having a relationship with a man for almost 4 years, I knew what I was getting into in the beginning but thought that overtime he would come around and treat me as his girlfriend. What we were "friends with benefits." I was blind and naive. Last week, I sent him a message on facebook to accept me as his friend, he called me later that night and said,"I will add you as a friend on one condition, you act as if we have a platonic relationship because my ex-girlfriend would be hurt, I was able to click on herphotos and noticed he was in some, from last year however, he states that they are best friends and that theyre strictly platonic. Ladies, don't buy into the bullcrap. Be strong, know your red flags from the beginning if it smells like a skunk, then it is one. Stay away because your going to get hurt. Life is short, you are in charge of your life, you make choices, and you deal with them the best that you can. you have other people who love you and want what's best for you. Please don't let one person make you feel undeserving. If anything you deserve more. Good luck ladies. Your beautiful. Smile don't frown. :)

bestwaygetexback 2 years ago

Useful information. :)

Pam 2 years ago

What if it's been a year and you still see him around campus, with your friends---and they all seem to shun me?

Jason 23 months ago

Just learn from your mistakes. My girlfriend left me 6 months ago because I treated her wrong or said some wrong things. I never cheated on her though because im not that type. Realize the good things in life before they're gone and once they're gone its painfull. Im trying to accept our break up even tho its really hard to. I am realizing my mistakes and learning them so I don't make the same mistakes twice. When she left it feels like she sucked out all my love.

ella 22 months ago

great site

ooi 20 months ago

for me, it has been six months since we broke up, i seem to be able to move on few months ago with normal mood level; however recently, i got a sweetest nightmare where i dream about the relationship that ended six months ago were recovered, in the dream, we are having a lot of sweet moment, when the sweetest moment we were having together, i woke up from the dream, i feel utterly down and couldnt breath as the time just after the break up... now i am still in a low mood level, what shall i do again, i am constantly blaming myself for not preserving our relation a better way, please help..

latinmia 20 months ago

Hi. I met my husband back when i was 18 and he was 33. he was married but it was love at first sight. i mean since the day we met we where inseparable for almost 3months. its like we knew each other forever. we met on vacation in another country. he was from NJ and i lived in FL. when the day came that we were to part it was sooo hurtful that he sent me the plane ticket to go see in in NJ literally the same day i got to FL. i spent 2 weeks there. I lost my job but i didnt care iwas sooo in love and it was obviously a mutual feeling. He then decided that he was going to get a divorce. I moved back to FL and we would fly back and forth for about 1 year. we then decided that it would be best for me to move to NJ since he was making good money there. I did. I didnt care about leaving my family behind, quitting school, or what no one thought. we have since been married and it has been 12 years now. We have no children because he cant have and i have grown up soo much these years. Now is when i notice the age difference. I am 30 and he is 45. We dont do much together anymore. He is always tired. i work managing some investment properties for a huge company where only men work there. a couple of months ago we got another contract to remodel a building and i had to hire personnel for the new construction. there is this guy that works with me that i hired to lead the project that i am falling for him deeply. In all my years of marriage i have never had this feeling. I knew that it was probalby bound to happen since i usually go out with my friends and co workers since my husband doesnt do anything with me but i was not looking for it. this guy and i first started going out to lunch almost everyday. He would always pay for it. then we started having drinks after work a group of us but i just wanted to be around him cause i really liked his company. well recently he just quit. didnt even call or anything. I was worried that something had happened so i tried calling but didnt answer. He then texted me saying that he was not going to work with us anymore and the reasons where personal. he then called me like 4 days ago and told me what had happened. he said that he was in love with me and that he knew he could tell me if we were working together since i was married and didnt want any one in the office to think bad of me. he knows the situation that i am going thru at home and wants me to make a decision to leave my husband. he said that he has been planning this or almost 2 months and that he has plans for the future that include me. i am so swept off my feet with this guy that i dont know what to do. we so many things in common. he around my same age. he loves kids. and most of all we have a great time together. i mean he haven't even kissed yet! i just fell like i'm ready to leave my stability for someone that i haven't even been intimate with. it just because he makes me happy. Please help.

Love Magic Moving On 20 months ago

This is a very great post about moving on after a break up with your ex.

I agree with you 100% that you need to forgive yourself and your ex for what happen in your relationship. It could be hard and a challange because of all the mixed emotions that you have build up inside, but it is the first step to getting over a break up and enjoying life the way you should.

A good way to let all of it out if there is no one to talk to is write it down on paper. Everytime you feel like you need to let it out just write down how you feel, because the longer you hold it in the harder it is going to be to let it go.

Once again great post and I wish all of you the best of luck.

Christine 20 months ago

I haven't been with my ex for about 3 and a half months now, we were together for 3 and a half years, im finding it reallllyyy hard! i have my good and bad days, but this week, im having a baaaaddd WEEK :\ im seeing my friends etc and rather than sitting on facebook constantly, iv started trying to 'nourish' myself more, and have began having 'me' time, watching new programmes, researching new artists, going for meals with my friends etc, and i do believe time is THE best healer, even though, i seem to have took a step back again at the minute :\ loving someone that doesn't love you anymore HAS to be one of the worst feelings in the world! but, i really do like this article! it was a little motivation boost for me to keep looking forward! thank you xxx

Amos 19 months ago

I appreciate and understand what you've written. You've put into words what I guess I've been trying to do. Thank you.

chari 19 months ago

hi jaye,

i really like this site and somewhat i agreed with all the break-up experiences and your advices.

i and my boyfriend just broke up a month ago. and admittedly i nearly gonna die this kind of pain. he stil good to me and i hate myself for still hoping for him. we still hanged out and communicate each other until only yesterday i had just decided to cut off our communication and vow not to see each other forever. you see he has a long time girlfriend lived in a distant place before i met him. and the mobilephone was the only means of their contact. they maintained that kind of relationship for five years and they met personally only for three days since my ex had to go back in our city. after that their relationship became soured and thats the time when he first met me. i had no idea of his problem that time. he just said they broke up for good. i was so stupid for not listening to my intuitions. i'd just felt something's wrong between us. we've been steady only for nine months. within that times, i admit i never felt so happy in my life and so was bad. he never told me that their communication came back and so as their relationship. the worst part was, he chose that girl over me. many questions popped up in my mind. i'm the one who's with him all the time and yet he loved more the faraway girl.. that felt me too much pathetic and stupid! anyway the most important is my true oneself. that's why i'm in this site right now. searching some answers and advices on dealing break-ups since its new to me. and you're right jaye,it takes a lot of time and energy to deal with it. forgiveness and acceptance are what i'm praying right now and change my thoughts into something positive and productive.. whew! kinda a breakthrough to me.

thanks and gud day!!

peeyah :) 19 months ago

i'm gonna try this and i hope that it'll work this time.

he's already happy with someone else and i can't seem to aept that one BITTER fact.

i love him and i think nothing can change this stupid feeling!!!

wtf!!

anonymous25 18 months ago

Great article, but i still feel hurt and depressed over my break up. I cant seem to get over him, its been a month since my break up and i still feel that hurt and pain. What should i do??

josh21 18 months ago

hi... i recently broke up with my gf.. we spent 5 years together and last week she broke up with me.. i knew this was coming but i thought i can fix the relationship. she said "the passion is slowly fading away" and she said she is confused. I think there's still tiny bits of feelings of her for me. the question is.. should i wait or i'll call it "over"... pls help me

BevyBoo 17 months ago

Just wanted to say that my man just broke it off with me, the day after Thanksgiving . . . Well, anyway, this was very helpful. Thank you for the time you put into this.

BevyBoo 17 months ago

I need an objective eye to look at my situation. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me your opinions and let me know if I'm doing right.

I've been in a long distance relationship with this guy for ten months. At first he only lived three hours away, which wasn't too bad except we're both poor twenty-somethings. We couldn't get to see eachother as often as we would have liked but we worked it out. When the distance would get too tough for me he'd call, text, or send me e-mails saying how much he loved me and that we'd work it out. I had my doubts because of things in my past, but I believed him. I knew that I loved him. We were different people, intrested in different things, but when it came to the fundamentals we were very much alike.

About six months ago he moved even further away. He's lease was up at his old place, all his friends were moving away, and he didn't want to be alone. He also said that he wanted to move to a bigger city so that he could find a better job, finish school, and make a better life for himself because I "inspired (him) to be a better man." I wasn't thrilled about the extra distance, but I supported him. If this is what he really wanted, what was going to make him happy, then I wouldn't stand in his way, even though he told me that if I wanted him to move closer he would (I live in a very small town with very little around me). But, again, I supported his decision even though all I wanted to do was tell him to move closer for me.

He moved with big dreams in his head. He was going to move into this great house (that he hadn't seen), with his best college friends, get a great job, and go back to school.

None of that has really happened. His house is old, rundown, and drafty. His friends are either never around or don't give a damn. He was unemployed when he first moved, then found a job he was excited about at first (they promised him lots of great things they never owned up to), so he up and quit (which wasn't like him. He's usually very responsible). He was happy for a little while, then he had no money so he was miserable again. Recently he's found a great job that he really likes and is moving forward in, but he said (when we last talked) that he still wasn't happy.

I won't deny that I was completely unaware he wasn't happy, but I just thought it was because of his living situations. I would ask if he was happy, or what was wrong when I could see he wasn't, and he just told me that it was alright. I figured he'd work it out and if he wanted to share with me he would. I NEVER suspected, thought, that I made him unhappy. Like I said, we are different people with different interest (he first told me that we were not compatible) , but that never bothered me. And I took his word when he said it was alright. I know I didn't do everything I could have done to make him happy (20-20 heinsight), but I guess one thing that really bothers me is that he never said anything to be.

I know it wasn't a decision that he came to lightly. I know he thought about it, went back and forth on it, and decided this was the best way. But I have to wonder if it was really me that was making him unhappy or if it was something else. I feel like he's just rooting out things to see what's really making him miserable.

A good friend of mine is telling me to move on. That he wasn't what I needed. She might be right, but my instincts are telling me something else. I've had to do some of my own soul searching since the break up (which was the day after Thanksgiving, on the phone, while I was on vacation. I was supposed to see him two days later. That was five days ago), and I've figured somethings out about myself. I feel like he just needs to do the same. But I want to believe that he loves me, that he hasn't been lying to himself (and me) these past ten months. So I think that when he has some time to himself that he'll realize that he's still unhappy. I hope that he'll come to me and try to stay with me. I have no idea how long that could take, or even if I'll have moved on by then.

Is that wrong? I love him and I don't want to move on, but I figure if I do then maybe I don't really love him like I thought I did. That I'd be no better than him. That thought scares me to death.

It's still fresh in my mind and I'm very confused, so I'd like to know your take on the whole thing. I'd appreciate the feedback.

x-short-n-sweet-x 17 months ago

Hi, I have read your hub and some of the posts underneath but I really do have a problem. I actually wrote my own hub about it (http://hubpages.com/hub/x-short-n-sweet-x) before I found yours otherwise I would have simply explained my situation on here. Im going through a very hard break-up right now with the problem of having to live with him in my student house until the tenancy agreement is over. Its breaking me every single day as we're still trying to stay best friends. I'd really appreciate some specific advice (if you have some) on how to change my thinking about him without having to blank him completely. Thank you xxx

(i understand if you dont post the link for my hub its just so you could get a better understanding of my situation - im not trying to promote it in any way)

richard 16 months ago

My ex and i had been going out for 4 months, it was amazing. Then i found messages to a guy she had been trying to meet. She said she did it coz she needed the attention, like she has a devil on her shoulder and she cant ignore it. She says she still loves me and hopes this isnt the end, but she wont get help. Says she will just have time alone until she has sorted herself. I dont know whether to hold on and wait, as we are still talking, or am i just someone to talk to until the next guy. I know to get over her i hqve to stop contact but if she later feels she wants me then i will be already out of her life and she might meet someone else. And i sometimes dont believe a word she says because of all the lies she told and the sneaking behind my back with this other guy. She offered to meet up for sex but i said no as i am still in love with her. How can she want sex but no relationship? She also says she is not confident on the inside and has low self esteem, thinks she is not pretty. I gave her compliments 24/7 and was the best boyfriend in the world to her. I dont know what to do, or rather i am scared of what i should do in case i lose her forever.

Melanee  16 months ago

How long is too long to hold onto the resentment and anger?? I'm about a month into a breakup from a 6 yr relationship i am hurt and so very angry... i keep active i'm a single momso i have to keep my emotions in check around her but i do have my meltdown moments in private... but how long is too long???

Melanee  16 months ago

How long is too long to hold onto the resentment and anger?? I'm about a month into a breakup from a 6 yr relationship i am hurt and so very angry... i keep active i'm a single momso i have to keep my emotions in check around her but i do have my meltdown moments in private... but how long is too long???

Jackie 14 months ago

Sometimes it REALLY IS all one person's fault, as in situations of abuse.

If you're being abused and he breaks up with you, thank your lucky stars, don't take him/her back.

If you were being abused and you broke up with him/her, it was NOT your fault.

Troy 14 months ago

my gf of 4 years broke things off about 6 weeks ago. i know that we were not good together, we spent all of our time trying not to break up (over 4 years we probably broke up 5 times)... i know what you guys are going through. on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 being happy 10 being suicidle) i was a strong 9! i couldn't function without her. about 3 weeks ago she finally told me to move on, and get over it... The only thing that really helped was total "no contact" you have to do that. that wound will heal but if you keep picking at it (by calling emailing or facebook stalking) you are only picking at the wound. let yourself relize that most of what you are dealing with is a bruised ego and "you want what you can't have". i promise it will get better, you will get through this...God is having you go through this for a reason...learn from this. find peace in your life. (john 16:33) it will all work out

heart broken 13 months ago

Hi

im 20 and my boyfriend and i were together for over a year.i thought everything was perfect. there were times when would disappear without warning me. and there were times when we argued about him not giving me a lot of time.he always said he would try harder and he did.

i was very understanding and compromising. i accepted his bad qualities and forgave him for everything he ever did. NEVER did i give him a reason to be pissed.

just.... 5 days ago...there was a cricket match we were all excited about and he wasnt. i invited my friends over to my place...guiy friends too.

he got so pissed when i told him they were at my place that hew dint talk to me for two days.. dint pick up my phone or message back.

finally i went to college and caught him there. i needed an explaination for everything.... he just said he wanted to break up. in 2 days. over that one thing i did... he decided he couldnt introduce me to his family and i wasnt good enough for me. without even asking me... he decided we should break up.

im heart broken and i feel HORRIBLE.

i actually though that relationship was going to work and i thought we were doing well. but he just blamed it all on me. he said he wasnt happy. and couldnot try any harder.

i have talked to him and i dont intend to. but i feel like crap. and i want this feeling to go away. ive been heartbroiken for the 2nd time. 2nd guy who broke up with me and i really dont know what to do .

i have to see him university everyday and it sucks coz he'll be there in front of me .a nd i cant stop thinking about him

tony 13 months ago

we hear this a lot, "why did it happen to me?" em still fighting my feelings wanting to move on but it's beginning to hit really hard where it hurts the most. she left me not for someone else but it was time to move on she said. i came to realize after 6 years through thick n thin, she was there for me time and time again, but this time it's for real. my only wish is to move on as quickly as i possibly could.

ttrinh888 13 months ago

well, i read it. it's been 4 months for me and let me tell you it's not easy. in my relationship i guess i'm the weaker one because i loved her so much. i put up 6 years and once i heard that she wanted to move on, it crushed me like a knife going through my heart. living day-by-day the only thing i can do is to accept and move-on.

ttrinh888 13 months ago

I left the last comment on my breakup. I read some where from a great author about and this is great for some of the people who have been left from their loved ones. He said that the reason breakups happen because of personal incompatibility and because important needs are not being met over a long period of time. I know my relationship failed because of financial stability and personal incompatibility. I came to realize that people who have experienced in coping with breakups. I am trying desperately not to allow my emotions take it's toe. We've been together for over 6 yrs not 6 months. It's so hard to do.

ttrinh888 13 months ago

I left the last comment on my breakup. I read some where from a great author about and this is great for some of the people who have been left from their loved ones. He said that the reason breakups happen because of personal incompatibility and because important needs are not being met over a long period of time. I know my relationship failed because of financial stability and personal incompatibility. I came to realize that people who have experienced in coping with breakups. I am trying desperately not to allow my emotions take it's toe. We've been together for over 6 yrs not 6 months. It's so hard to do.

Gilbert 13 months ago

Hey, this article is really good. I'm on my way to a better me, this just made me realize that love is out there, and a REALationship does exist, not the lustful bullshit i've been through. And I hope the best to everyone, my last break up really beat the crap out or me, i couldn't sleep , eat or even smile and to think that i'm an optimist for Christ sake. She left me a few days before our 1st year anniversary and found dates a few days after our break-up. It hurt like hell and although its been about a month since we broke up and the wound still hurts like it was a few days ago, all i know is that it's healing, and although it leaves a scar, it's just a reminder of the past, the past is what makes us after all. Thank you so much for the insight and supplement you have given me.

Mika 13 months ago

My bf was withdrawing from me and before I knew it he met someone else and feel out of love with me. It hurt but I let myself cry it out the next two, talked with friends, and forgave him. I didn't need to be with someone who couldn't and didn't want to be with me. I accepted the break up and forgave him. And that was that. Even though we have mutual friend I will no longer talk or see him. I linger slightly on the feeling of rejection but when I do I start thinking of how many other guys would treat me like the princess and how my ex wouldn't. I don't need him to be happy, and he obviously doesn't need me. So it will all be for the best, and time will heal this, just like it has my other wounds. And its only been one week. :D

JD 12 months ago

This is all very help full. I have been through this before and it took me almost 2 years to get over it. Now I'm in the same situation again. This time it's much, much worse. I was with her for 3 and a half years. I saw signs in the beginning from her that were not good or healthy. Things of her past, things she had done. I loved her from day one anyway, and I couldn't help it. I lost my job back in September of last year, 2010. We got engaged the summer of 2010. Her and I as an engaged couple decided it was best for me to move over seas to Europe to work there and live with her family. We came to that agreement, even though I was uneasy, and I went at the end of November 2010. A moth ago she decided to end it, just an e-mail saying we should. No reasons why, no clear explanation. She is in the states finishing up school, and she left me here far from my friends and family in a foreign country, to rot with her parents and siblings. I as still shocked and confused. I do not know if it was another man, if she cheated and felt guilty, if she just stopped loving me, I do not know? I never thought she would do this, and I told her once a ring was on her finger, and if she did do this, that was it, I could never take her back. The things she has done to me in my past were horrible. I would be a fool to ever take her back. This is hard, I'm all alone, i a far away country, no one to talk to, but if she ever came back to me, and she most likely wouldn't, I would have to say no, I could never respect myself again I couldn't. cutting of all ties with the person is the best way to get over any ex. You need to think of yourself, and only yourself in this situation. to all you people who stay around, and take mental and emotional abuse from your ex, hoping they will come back; don't, because you will only get hurt over and over again. Leave them behind, and make them realize what they lost, it was their decision, make them have to live with it.

samar 12 months ago

hi my name is samar , i am 35 years old , i live in Iraq

my problem is that .. my boyfriend left me in a very hard and sad way

he chose to marry another woman .. younger and prettier !!

i hope you could imagin how hard my situation is !

i know that i have depression .. but i don't want anyone to tell me to do things like calling old friends and thinking positive thoughts and changing my daily rotine ... because i tried these ways and found them useless !

i am suffering not only of the break up and the feeling that i lost my historical imaginative love .. but also i feel that i am a loser person and i will never be loveable again and i lost my confidence in myself completely ..

i hate life , people , work , and myself ..i even tried to kill my self because i think death

is easier than the feeling i suffer !

i tried to see a psychologist here in my country but you know psychological knowledge here is very limited and the psychologist i went to , coudn't help me at all !

please help me because i am dying

and thank you ..

samar 12 months ago

hi my name is samar , i am 35 years old , i live in Iraq

my problem is that .. my boyfriend left me in a very hard and sad way

he chose to marry another woman .. younger and prettier !!

i hope you could imagin how hard my situation is !

i know that i have depression .. but i don't want anyone to tell me to do things like calling old friends and thinking positive thoughts and changing my daily rotine ... because i tried these ways and found them useless !

i am suffering not only of the break up and the feeling that i lost my historical imaginative love .. but also i feel that i am a loser person and i will never be loveable again and i lost my confidence in myself completely ..

i hate life , people , work , and myself ..i even tried to kill my self because i think death

is easier than the feeling i suffer !

i tried to see a psychologist here in my country but you know psychological knowledge here is very limited and the psychologist i went to , coudn't help me at all !

please help me because i am dying

and thank you ..

Pixie86 12 months ago

I have been reading everyones stories, and iteasier said trully is easier said then done...i broke up with my boyfriend about five months ago becaus he just kept pushing me away after he lost his job...i tried to be there for him but he wouldnt let me and things started getting really bad all he wanted to do is hang out with his friends and go out and party....so i let him do that and kept trying to make thigns work because i love him and he would try to but then he would just keep pushing me away...so i finally broke up with him thinking maybe he would fight for me....now its been a while since we broke up but last time i saw him was about a month ago and of course we hooked up, but the pain i felt before that was nothing after i have found out he was sleeping with other people...now even thou we are not together im in so much pain and i still love him so much and miss him more then anything...he was my first love...he keeps calling me and texting me because he wants to start all over again he keeps saying he misses me and he loves me....and i feel the same...i am not sure how to forgive him for sleeping with other woman even thou we were broken up...i am not sure how to handel it...i told him i miss him and will awlays love him but i cant forgive him...its hard because we talked about marriage and kids and being happy together....i wish i could forgive him i just dont know how....more thena anything in the world i wanted a family with him and things got so bad, i just dont know how to either forgive him or lett it go because i miss having him in my life....i just dont know what to do anymore..i am hearbroken...

samar 12 months ago

hi my name is samar , i am 35 years old , i live in Iraq

my problem is that .. my boyfriend left me in a very hard and sad way

he chose to marry another woman .. younger and prettier !!

i hope you could imagin how hard my situation is !

i know that i have depression .. but i don't want anyone to tell me to do things like calling old friends and thinking positive thoughts and changing my daily rotine ... because i tried these ways and found them useless !

i am suffering not only of the break up and the feeling that i lost my historical imaginative love .. but also i feel that i am a loser person and i will never be loveable again and i lost my confidence in myself completely ..

i hate life , people , work , and myself ..i even tried to kill my self because i think death

is easier than the feeling i suffer !

i tried to see a psychologist here in my country but you know psychological knowledge here is very limited and the psychologist i went to , coudn't help me at all !

please help me because i am dying

and thank you ..

samar iraq 11 months ago

hi my name is samar , i am 35 years old , i live in Iraq

my problem is that .. my boyfriend left me in a very hard and sad way

he chose to marry another woman .. younger and prettier !!

i hope you could imagin how hard my situation is !

i know that i have depression .. but i don't want anyone to tell me to do things

like calling old friends and thinking positive thoughts and changing my daily rotine ...

because i tried these ways and found them useless !

i am suffering not only of the break up and the feeling that i lost my historical imaginative love ..

but also i feel that i am a loser person and i will never be loveable again

and i lost my confidence in myself completely ..

i hate life , people , work , and myself ..i even tried to kill my self because i think death

is easier than the feeling i suffer !

i tried to see a psychologist here in my country

but you know psychological knowledge here is very limited and the psychologist i went to ,

coudn't help me at all !

please help me because i am dying

and thank you ..

Danielle 9 months ago

Reading this is helpful and I've been telling myself I need to do all these things, but finding the motivation is hard. My boyfriend of 9 months (I know may seem short, but we were very much in love and happy and told each other we would love each other forever) recently broke up with me, its been about 3 weeks I guess, so the wounds are still fresh. He told me he didn't have the motivation to make me happy anymore. I know I can no longer dwell on it, but I find myself thinking everyday that I would do anything to be with him again, I know it will never happen and that our relationship is over with, what's done is done, but I'm just really unhappy now.

Lisa 8 months ago

I really like your site and your advice, my situation starts off that I have been committed to a guy for three years and 2 days ago, he called it quits sayin we should date other people out of the blue, that day it happened we spent the day together like any other day, and after 3 hrs of him leavin I txt just to say hello, and we.get on the topic that I may be pregnant, and he is saying that he is more than excited and 9 months cant come faster, so in return I assure him even if it doesnt this time it will.happen cuz we will be married, he then questions me and asks well how.do you know that. Im shocked because I cant believe he say that after he was the one who initiated the thought of marriage between us.and the daunting line of I think we should see other people comes. Truth be told im very numb and satisfied that he is gone, I do still love him and I mis his personality and love making, but I canr believe he did that to me still, I alwaus thought about a plan if we ever split but I never.wanted to be the one to initiate it cuz I didnt want him hating me, it always felt like if he left it wouldnt matter, I just really think I was a little too advanced for.him amd.he.just started learning how relationships work, he opened me up to spirituality yes, and some other things, but I dont think we were made for each other on that level, so many signs you ignore in relationships that gou dont take heed to them, but it is time for me to grow as well I been thru this too many times to to not realize the after effects, I realize them now but I kept believing we would marry but I think I agreed to ot only because he committed to me that he would. When he said his goodbye i cried and I still am now, but im happy im free, so yea I believed I cared about him we were good friends for 3 years and now its a shock to others that we broke up. I believe my ex has some issues of wanting to explore at his age, we had slim trust and insecurities but we worked through them so it wasnt that, a break was needed thats y im not so bitter, but then again I feel like he lost a good thing, I can see him searching for someone, but sumtn in me wants to move on and im not hesitating, because I feel like if he wanted to stay he would have right? So why not gather up some friends and have fun and flirt, I wish him the best in his endeavours and hope he finds the right one, I need to find men who are willing and ready

pe19 6 months ago

wow i was reading all the previous comments posted since 2 years ago..I thought i was alone in dealing with all these heartaches problem in this world! I haven't moved on yet, i am still hoping of getting him back but i know it will never happen! he ignores all my text, my call..i just want to forget him..that's all i want!

yeah i know time heals all wound but getting up everyday is a drag to me. i don't even want to wake up every morning thinking i don't talk to him or even have conversation with him. I really wanted to move on and tried my best. I surely do love him so much but he rejected all of these..he is with so many girls,,,enjoying life and career in NY..party with girls every weekend..and here I am..at home living with my parents..studying and having no life at all!

I felt so miserable with all these and I dont want to treat myself like this..i love myself so much its just that i don't know how to get out of this shell and tell myself that i am ok..i can move on and i can forget this person who always make my day miserable!

Praying does help..but sometimes I need quick answers and God will not provide that not until I learned on my own.

thanks for sharing everyone, I thought I'm the only person suffering from this miserable feeling! We all have one aim----TO GET BETTER!!

Anon 6 months ago

Maybe a little advice? Im on day 67, I am the dumpee end of a break up I didnt expect.. I mean, I knew there were problems but was unsure how to fix them.. Her and I talked to wits end about working on things, and staying together forever.. Ive loved this girl since high school (13 years, and she always claimed the same, even during her failed marriage) but we only recently partnered up about 12 months prior to the break. She had plans for a four day weekend out of town with friends, (a group of friends I resented because of ONE guy in particular that was persistent in winning her away from me and their mutual friend who was persistent in trying to break us up for a year.) even though I expressed concern about her going because I couldnt, she went anyway. The last thing she said before leaving was that "she cant imagine her life without me, I love you so much, forgive me please!" then when she comes home, breaks up over phone, refused to see me and when she finally agreed, cried like crazy when she saw me.. She layed ALL the blame of the break up on my shoulders to carry. Despite my persistent attempts to patch things up (I know, stupid on my part) she has only distanced herself further.. Now we have ZERO contact and I am still hung up on her.. After she's done me so much wrong, (in my opinion) caused so much hurt, and possibly cheated on me (the evidence shows) Im still desperate for her.. Longing.. Every day is a painful obstacle just to "zombie" through my day.. Nights filled with nightmares, although subsiding some, Im afraid to sleep.. Afraid to be awake, constantly bothered by thoughts of her.

Ive admitted my mistakes to her and apologize and even to things I dont think I did, or things that weren't my fault to try and ease her back to me.. I forgiven myself and her, and yet have only gotten empty apologies in return and no forgiveness.. She has not been the person Ive known for 13 years since about a month before the break.. She's like ice to me, treats me like Im a stranger, worse, like I was an abuser to her.. All Ive done was love her, sacrificed my free time building us a home to live in while she played with this group of friends.. I admit I was insecure about this guy, this group of friends. Causing us stress.. I was there for her needs during her (our) pregnancy and miscarriage, carried her through her divorce, visited her while she lived 2 hours away when we first started dating.. Was there for her when she recovered from a drug problem years ago.. Was trying to build us a future, gave her freedom.. Love.. My heart.. Ive given so much to her, and she ran when things got a little rough for a period of 4-5 months after the miscarriage..

I WANT OVER THIS.. OVER HER.. I cant stand another day in pain.. All advice has been to "forgive" "accept" "new hobbies" "old hobbies" etc etc, but yet Im still plagued with pain and she haunts me everytime I close my eyes.. Help Ms. Boswell :(

DF 5 months ago

Excellent advice.

My situation: I was married for 6 years and divorced in Feb of this year. In April I was introduced to my ex by my friends wife. We started chatting on the phone and began a relationship in July, we did everything together, bike rides, gym, trips, etc.

She is a proactive woman, responsible, and strong willed person. I on the otherhand, im more of a laid back, go with the flow kinda person. I know she sounds like more of a "rebound" relationship but I gave her my heart and soul, possibly because she gave me everything I was lacking in my marriage. Well, she broke up with me 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted a partner who was more responsible and she didnt want to "mother" me. I do admit, my head is in the clouds sometimes, but I try.

She is a great person, I treated her with respect and she did the same, we did not end things on bad terms, because it was nothing I did wrong, I just wasnt fit for her future.

I am heartbroken because I gave her my all, she had continued to call me everyday to see how I was doing and "being there for me" but today she decided to cut all communication to let me heal properly. I still miss the hell out of her and of course, cant imagine her dating anyone else. I havent felt like this in 15 years.

Question: I have her as a friend on Facebook and I find myself constantly checking her profile to see if she has added any new "guy" friend, im torturing myself. Should I unfriend her?